Hey Folks once again I would like to introduce myself. It has been a long time since I have posted anything on this and I am reaquainting myself with it because the person that I was when I posted those things earlier this year is mosdef not who I am now...
That being said...here we go!!!
My name is Colin I am a disabled cisgender queer person of color and queer person of religion my gender pronouns I go by are gender neutral which are they/them...
I was a 2010 Equality Rider earlier this year and I have not had the moxy to begin writing my experiences, what I learned and how I experienced them on that journey...That is not until now. I have been very busy since then and have not even had the courage to sort through what I am thinking and experiencing as I process the ride. So lets start off with the beginning...
I have had the most glorious privilege in the entire fucking world. That privilege was to get on a bus for two months and talk about faith, gender identity/expression, and sexual orientation to college students who had very limited voices on campus if they were allowed to have that voice at all. Through this experience on the 2010 Equality Ride...I had the privilege to see the very image of God revealed ot me by so many different people. I have seen God in places where you least expect them to be. In little conservative communities in the south where just a lone affirming congregation exists. That have had their house of worship shot up, set on fire, death threats and more.
I have found God revealed to me in a little church community in the northern woods and fields of Houghton New York. When the students who were working at our hotel greeted us with smiles, hugs, cookies, and volunteered to get us food from their cafeteria after 1100 at night because we hadnt had anything to eat. I found God in their smiles, in their eyes, in their laughs and hope that they had with our visit.
I found God in a beautiful man that drove Soulforce 1 every single time I got to talk to him it was like church holy scriptures flowing out of someone that will probably never know the profound affect they have had on me! I found God in experiencing his warm hugs that he gave us every time we got back from a rough day at schools.
I found God in my familial atheist and non-christian brothers in sisters who constantly showed me what christ is through every thought and deed. I saw God in the corn fields of Nebraska and Iowa. In the stillness of my room by myself. I found God in the face of prejudice and discrimination of counter protesters in Phoenixville Pennsylvania, in the faces of 4 beautiful clergy members as well. When they allowed us to enter their houses of worship and fed us. when tehy offered us the opportunity ot have communion and a short time of worship.
The Equality Ride has taught me so much. I am still finding out ways in which it has changed me. This is what I have discovered thus far...
I am no longer some kid who talks about justice, what it looks and feels like, how it could be emplemented...but I do it!!! It resonates from my inner being. I am no longer this shy confident person who uses my extroversion as a mask to cover up my insecurities...I am a confident, divinely crafted authentic person who is worthy of love and to love other people...I am stronger and more convicted. I dont take peoples justifications as to why they are oppressing other people...
as a result of the Ride I have seen amazing things take place on the campuses we have been on...one campus took all of their recommended resources for reparitive therapy down with a week of us going. I have seen students use their voices and be vessels of change on college campuses. I have seen students mobilizing and organizing for QSA's on their campuses to start taking place and start carving spaces out on campuses that are going ot be safe places for them to come and talk about their faith, gender identity/expression, and sexual orientation.
I have seen people and have done things I would never have thunk that would be possible in my entire life...It has been such a humbling experience to be a part of this experience.
this is where I am now since have allowed myself to let the process begin!!! you may see more...this has been
Colin and im sigin off!!
Monday, August 23, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
wait! what!? Why!?!
With only one month left till the ride starts I thought now would be the perfect time for my second post...Since I have been informed that I was going to be able to do the Equality Ride, people have been asking me why? Why do I want to do the Equality Ride? Why go to these schools? Just Why in general. I am wanting to clear some of that up so that there is no longer any question as to why. Let us start with first question...
Why do I want to do the Equality Ride?: I think that to in order to understand my want and conviction to do it you first have to understand somethings about me first...I grew up like a lot of these students did. I grew up going to church every week and being told that if I was a servant of God I had to do this, that, and this. That I must take off my rings and blend in and go unnoticed. But more importantly that I was to be a light for God and get people into the church and to know god. Needless to say the way I was brought up by mom was a little less restrictive than that. I was always the outcast at church. I went to public school when model Seventh Day Adventists sent their children to good SDA schools, to get a good SDA education, and to stay away from the evils or public school where there are people listening to non-christian music, wearing jewelry and kids were having sex. With all of this in mind and being labled outcast as well as the realization of my sexual orientation I made the decision to go to an Adventist academy for my freshman year of high school. (some of it was because I wanted to see what was so special about an adventist education...some of it was pressure from the church community)
The day came that I went and the school year was off to a good start. I was 14 and adjusting to dorm life quite nicely. I got made fun of and picked on a lot because I was not one of the guys. I was not masculine enough, rough and tumble enough, my voice was not deep enough and so on and so forth. But the main reason I was not like the rest of the guys was because I knew I was gay...I intentionally put up this wall to try and pass as straight. I did this to get by and to go as unnoticed as possible. But the day came that I told someone that I trusted who asked me if I was. Then there was a viscious rumor that went around school and one day I was at work and was requested that I go to see the dean and principal in the boys dorm office. My dean and principal were both there and they drilled me for 2o minutes asking me personal questions and then my dean looked at me with the most intesity I had ever seen him have and said "Colin, are you gay?" immediately my eyes glassed over and my heart sank. I hoped he and my principal had not noticed that I was holding back tears and I sat there in the most deafening silence I have ever felt in my life...it was that type of I cannot believe that you are asking me this type of silence, that type of I know what you want me to say but I cannot deny this with out lying and I know deep down that both of you know and I know that I would be lying through my teeth kind of silence. That we are going to shove you and stifle you so far back in the closet because you would be a threat to the general school population and we cannot have that...type of silence...I looked them in the eyes as tears were beginning to slip out of my eyes and then the calm took over...I looked them dead in the eyes and uttered the most degrading thing I have ever said about myself "No...I am not gay"...the silence became even more deafening and started to shatter my inner being with ever second. I saw there eyes scanning me for any sign of weakness to give way to my lie. Finally they said "ok thanks. you can go" and I started to walk out but I had to know...I turned around and asked them what would happen if they were to have had a person say yes to that question...what would happen to that student. they explained to me that if a person says yes they are taken away from campus to intensive therapy and their parents were called. They would only be allowed on campus after their therapist had signed off and said that they were no longer gay.
That night I went up to my room and cried my eyes out. I hated myself for lying to them and denying myself to them. But I had to...or so I thought. That night I vowed to myself that I would never let anyone put me or anyone else like me back in the closet. But instead I would blast down that closet door and shine a beacon of light and hope to others. That it was ok to be gay and totally head over heels in love with god. Now back to why I want to do the Equality Ride...
I want to do the Equality Ride because other students on these campuses that are scared and suffering in the closet by themselves need to know that people love them and most importantly that God loves and affirms them with out reservation. That they do not have to do this alone. That there are people willing to step up for them and talk about it because this is something that is still so taboo to talk about. That people are willing to talk about it.
so now to the question of
Why go to these schools?: All we want to do is talk to these schools. Talk with them about what some of their students on these campuses are going through and what it feels like for them. (because in some way a lot the riders have been put in a position like these students in the past) How the policies that this school put in place about their LGBTQ students are damaging to them. How ex gay therapy is harmful for people to go through and all the twain in between. The conversations around those things and all the things in between are so important to the students on these campuses because for a lot of these students they have had very limited conversations around this issue outside what is taught in church on sundays...as well as highlight the fact with my pink search and spot light that god loves and affirms them with out reservation...
If you stuck around and finished this I a applaud you. Thank you for stopping by and I will see you on road...
-Colin <3
Why do I want to do the Equality Ride?: I think that to in order to understand my want and conviction to do it you first have to understand somethings about me first...I grew up like a lot of these students did. I grew up going to church every week and being told that if I was a servant of God I had to do this, that, and this. That I must take off my rings and blend in and go unnoticed. But more importantly that I was to be a light for God and get people into the church and to know god. Needless to say the way I was brought up by mom was a little less restrictive than that. I was always the outcast at church. I went to public school when model Seventh Day Adventists sent their children to good SDA schools, to get a good SDA education, and to stay away from the evils or public school where there are people listening to non-christian music, wearing jewelry and kids were having sex. With all of this in mind and being labled outcast as well as the realization of my sexual orientation I made the decision to go to an Adventist academy for my freshman year of high school. (some of it was because I wanted to see what was so special about an adventist education...some of it was pressure from the church community)
The day came that I went and the school year was off to a good start. I was 14 and adjusting to dorm life quite nicely. I got made fun of and picked on a lot because I was not one of the guys. I was not masculine enough, rough and tumble enough, my voice was not deep enough and so on and so forth. But the main reason I was not like the rest of the guys was because I knew I was gay...I intentionally put up this wall to try and pass as straight. I did this to get by and to go as unnoticed as possible. But the day came that I told someone that I trusted who asked me if I was. Then there was a viscious rumor that went around school and one day I was at work and was requested that I go to see the dean and principal in the boys dorm office. My dean and principal were both there and they drilled me for 2o minutes asking me personal questions and then my dean looked at me with the most intesity I had ever seen him have and said "Colin, are you gay?" immediately my eyes glassed over and my heart sank. I hoped he and my principal had not noticed that I was holding back tears and I sat there in the most deafening silence I have ever felt in my life...it was that type of I cannot believe that you are asking me this type of silence, that type of I know what you want me to say but I cannot deny this with out lying and I know deep down that both of you know and I know that I would be lying through my teeth kind of silence. That we are going to shove you and stifle you so far back in the closet because you would be a threat to the general school population and we cannot have that...type of silence...I looked them in the eyes as tears were beginning to slip out of my eyes and then the calm took over...I looked them dead in the eyes and uttered the most degrading thing I have ever said about myself "No...I am not gay"...the silence became even more deafening and started to shatter my inner being with ever second. I saw there eyes scanning me for any sign of weakness to give way to my lie. Finally they said "ok thanks. you can go" and I started to walk out but I had to know...I turned around and asked them what would happen if they were to have had a person say yes to that question...what would happen to that student. they explained to me that if a person says yes they are taken away from campus to intensive therapy and their parents were called. They would only be allowed on campus after their therapist had signed off and said that they were no longer gay.
That night I went up to my room and cried my eyes out. I hated myself for lying to them and denying myself to them. But I had to...or so I thought. That night I vowed to myself that I would never let anyone put me or anyone else like me back in the closet. But instead I would blast down that closet door and shine a beacon of light and hope to others. That it was ok to be gay and totally head over heels in love with god. Now back to why I want to do the Equality Ride...
I want to do the Equality Ride because other students on these campuses that are scared and suffering in the closet by themselves need to know that people love them and most importantly that God loves and affirms them with out reservation. That they do not have to do this alone. That there are people willing to step up for them and talk about it because this is something that is still so taboo to talk about. That people are willing to talk about it.
so now to the question of
Why go to these schools?: All we want to do is talk to these schools. Talk with them about what some of their students on these campuses are going through and what it feels like for them. (because in some way a lot the riders have been put in a position like these students in the past) How the policies that this school put in place about their LGBTQ students are damaging to them. How ex gay therapy is harmful for people to go through and all the twain in between. The conversations around those things and all the things in between are so important to the students on these campuses because for a lot of these students they have had very limited conversations around this issue outside what is taught in church on sundays...as well as highlight the fact with my pink search and spot light that god loves and affirms them with out reservation...
If you stuck around and finished this I a applaud you. Thank you for stopping by and I will see you on road...
-Colin <3
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
This Queer Right Here
Hey everyone. I would like to introduce myself. My name is Colin and I am not much of a blogger however I figure that after I hit the road for equality this would come in handy. I have been selected for the 2010 Soulforce Equality Ride.
I got back from training in Austin Texas a week ago. I cannot tell you how empowering and humbling it was to be in a room with 24 other rockstar people who were just as convicted about equality as I am.
In March we are hitting the road for a nation wide tour of schools seeking conversation about the intersectionality of sexual orientation and religion. I have a feeling that it is going to be one of the best things I have done in my life and I cannot wait to meet amazing new people in the communities we will be visiting and talking to people who want and need to hear our message.
but let me back up for a hot sec and give you some history about me...I am 21 years old, a pisces on the cusp of aquarious. My prefered gender pronouns are gender neutral. I am an avid knitter and why is my blog is called stitchin for equality? I am going to try and make some sort of knitted good to give to a student I talk to on my journey with the Equality Ride. I am from Kansas City Missouri. I have been involved in community/student organizing, non profit work, and volunteering since I was 16. I am a person of color. I am Irish, scottish and african. I have crazy fly away hair and love big mirrored aviator sunglasses. when not involved in activism I am a huge music nerd. I am literally a human jukebox if you ask me to sing a song and ive me just he title there is a big chance that I will be able to sing some of it. I Have a huge collection of shirts from volunteering that is taking over my closet. I need to get it in check. I am a free spirit and enjoy flying by the seat of my pants. I have a boistrous laugh and I love giving and getting hugs...what can I say snuggling is also a hobby of mine as well.
there is so much that I could say on here but in consideration of your and my attention span I shall cut it off there for now. I am so excited that you are going to be following me on my journey on the ride! look for more updates once the bus has pulled out.
peace with lots of love
-Colin
I got back from training in Austin Texas a week ago. I cannot tell you how empowering and humbling it was to be in a room with 24 other rockstar people who were just as convicted about equality as I am.
In March we are hitting the road for a nation wide tour of schools seeking conversation about the intersectionality of sexual orientation and religion. I have a feeling that it is going to be one of the best things I have done in my life and I cannot wait to meet amazing new people in the communities we will be visiting and talking to people who want and need to hear our message.
but let me back up for a hot sec and give you some history about me...I am 21 years old, a pisces on the cusp of aquarious. My prefered gender pronouns are gender neutral. I am an avid knitter and why is my blog is called stitchin for equality? I am going to try and make some sort of knitted good to give to a student I talk to on my journey with the Equality Ride. I am from Kansas City Missouri. I have been involved in community/student organizing, non profit work, and volunteering since I was 16. I am a person of color. I am Irish, scottish and african. I have crazy fly away hair and love big mirrored aviator sunglasses. when not involved in activism I am a huge music nerd. I am literally a human jukebox if you ask me to sing a song and ive me just he title there is a big chance that I will be able to sing some of it. I Have a huge collection of shirts from volunteering that is taking over my closet. I need to get it in check. I am a free spirit and enjoy flying by the seat of my pants. I have a boistrous laugh and I love giving and getting hugs...what can I say snuggling is also a hobby of mine as well.
there is so much that I could say on here but in consideration of your and my attention span I shall cut it off there for now. I am so excited that you are going to be following me on my journey on the ride! look for more updates once the bus has pulled out.
peace with lots of love
-Colin
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