Tuesday, January 26, 2010

wait! what!? Why!?!

With only one month left till the ride starts I thought now would be the perfect time for my second post...Since I have been informed that I was going to be able to do the Equality Ride, people have been asking me why? Why do I want to do the Equality Ride? Why go to these schools? Just Why in general. I am wanting to clear some of that up so that there is no longer any question as to why. Let us start with first question...

Why do I want to do the Equality Ride?: I think that to in order to understand my want and conviction to do it you first have to understand somethings about me first...I grew up like a lot of these students did. I grew up going to church every week and being told that if I was a servant of God I had to do this, that, and this. That I must take off my rings and blend in and go unnoticed. But more importantly that I was to be a light for God and get people into the church and to know god. Needless to say the way I was brought up by mom was a little less restrictive than that. I was always the outcast at church. I went to public school when model Seventh Day Adventists sent their children to good SDA schools, to get a good SDA education, and to stay away from the evils or public school where there are people listening to non-christian music, wearing jewelry and kids were having sex. With all of this in mind and being labled outcast as well as the realization of my sexual orientation I made the decision to go to an Adventist academy for my freshman year of high school. (some of it was because I wanted to see what was so special about an adventist education...some of it was pressure from the church community)

The day came that I went and the school year was off to a good start. I was 14 and adjusting to dorm life quite nicely. I got made fun of and picked on a lot because I was not one of the guys. I was not masculine enough, rough and tumble enough, my voice was not deep enough and so on and so forth. But the main reason I was not like the rest of the guys was because I knew I was gay...I intentionally put up this wall to try and pass as straight. I did this to get by and to go as unnoticed as possible. But the day came that I told someone that I trusted who asked me if I was. Then there was a viscious rumor that went around school and one day I was at work and was requested that I go to see the dean and principal in the boys dorm office. My dean and principal were both there and they drilled me for 2o minutes asking me personal questions and then my dean looked at me with the most intesity I had ever seen him have and said "Colin, are you gay?" immediately my eyes glassed over and my heart sank. I hoped he and my principal had not noticed that I was holding back tears and I sat there in the most deafening silence I have ever felt in my life...it was that type of I cannot believe that you are asking me this type of silence, that type of I know what you want me to say but I cannot deny this with out lying and I know deep down that both of you know and I know that I would be lying through my teeth kind of silence. That we are going to shove you and stifle you so far back in the closet because you would be a threat to the general school population and we cannot have that...type of silence...I looked them in the eyes as tears were beginning to slip out of my eyes and then the calm took over...I looked them dead in the eyes and uttered the most degrading thing I have ever said about myself "No...I am not gay"...the silence became even more deafening and started to shatter my inner being with ever second. I saw there eyes scanning me for any sign of weakness to give way to my lie. Finally they said "ok thanks. you can go" and I started to walk out but I had to know...I turned around and asked them what would happen if they were to have had a person say yes to that question...what would happen to that student. they explained to me that if a person says yes they are taken away from campus to intensive therapy and their parents were called. They would only be allowed on campus after their therapist had signed off and said that they were no longer gay.

That night I went up to my room and cried my eyes out. I hated myself for lying to them and denying myself to them. But I had to...or so I thought. That night I vowed to myself that I would never let anyone put me or anyone else like me back in the closet. But instead I would blast down that closet door and shine a beacon of light and hope to others. That it was ok to be gay and totally head over heels in love with god. Now back to why I want to do the Equality Ride...

I want to do the Equality Ride because other students on these campuses that are scared and suffering in the closet by themselves need to know that people love them and most importantly that God loves and affirms them with out reservation. That they do not have to do this alone. That there are people willing to step up for them and talk about it because this is something that is still so taboo to talk about. That people are willing to talk about it.

so now to the question of

Why go to these schools?: All we want to do is talk to these schools. Talk with them about what some of their students on these campuses are going through and what it feels like for them. (because in some way a lot the riders have been put in a position like these students in the past) How the policies that this school put in place about their LGBTQ students are damaging to them. How ex gay therapy is harmful for people to go through and all the twain in between. The conversations around those things and all the things in between are so important to the students on these campuses because for a lot of these students they have had very limited conversations around this issue outside what is taught in church on sundays...as well as highlight the fact with my pink search and spot light that god loves and affirms them with out reservation...

If you stuck around and finished this I a applaud you. Thank you for stopping by and I will see you on road...

-Colin <3

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

This Queer Right Here

Hey everyone. I would like to introduce myself. My name is Colin and I am not much of a blogger however I figure that after I hit the road for equality this would come in handy. I have been selected for the 2010 Soulforce Equality Ride.

I got back from training in Austin Texas a week ago. I cannot tell you how empowering and humbling it was to be in a room with 24 other rockstar people who were just as convicted about equality as I am.

In March we are hitting the road for a nation wide tour of schools seeking conversation about the intersectionality of sexual orientation and religion. I have a feeling that it is going to be one of the best things I have done in my life and I cannot wait to meet amazing new people in the communities we will be visiting and talking to people who want and need to hear our message.

but let me back up for a hot sec and give you some history about me...I am 21 years old, a pisces on the cusp of aquarious. My prefered gender pronouns are gender neutral. I am an avid knitter and why is my blog is called stitchin for equality? I am going to try and make some sort of knitted good to give to a student I talk to on my journey with the Equality Ride. I am from Kansas City Missouri. I have been involved in community/student organizing, non profit work, and volunteering since I was 16. I am a person of color. I am Irish, scottish and african. I have crazy fly away hair and love big mirrored aviator sunglasses. when not involved in activism I am a huge music nerd. I am literally a human jukebox if you ask me to sing a song and ive me just he title there is a big chance that I will be able to sing some of it. I Have a huge collection of shirts from volunteering that is taking over my closet. I need to get it in check. I am a free spirit and enjoy flying by the seat of my pants. I have a boistrous laugh and I love giving and getting hugs...what can I say snuggling is also a hobby of mine as well.

there is so much that I could say on here but in consideration of your and my attention span I shall cut it off there for now. I am so excited that you are going to be following me on my journey on the ride! look for more updates once the bus has pulled out.

peace with lots of love
-Colin